These O’s Ain’t Kansas City Royals–and that’s a good thing

Melky and the arms infusion was it at the deadline for the Kansas City Royals. It’s time for the stretch run to start.

Sometimes the trade deadline passes and nothing happens. Sometimes the trade deadline happens and half the league gets reshuffled.

And Monday afternoon, the Dodgers clinched the National League. We’ll get to the rest of baseball and the Kansas City Royals larger place in it later; suffice to say, refreshing Twitter every 20 seconds since 9 a.m. was a waste of otherwise valuable time.

Usually I’d have an anti-preview for Baltimore, but I did not use my time wisely and so we’ll just go with the vanilla preview. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations—I poured my heart and soul into this for you, the home reader.

With that as background, umm… who is excited for Melky Cabrera? I’m in a significant minority who is not, and yet I can’t explain it beyond “I don’t particularly care for the guy”—he was acquired for a relative pittance and if his arrival coincides with less Brandon Moss in our lives, I don’t think anyone will hate on that.

Anyway, you’re here for other things. Just remember that “These O’s ain’t Royal” and enjoy The Streets.

Game One: Danny Duffy (7-6, 3.56 ERA) vs. Ubaldo Jimenez (4-7, 6.93 ERA); 6:05 p.m. (CT), Monday; FSKC

Time was, Ubaldo Jimenez was a huge trade deadline acquisition but has recently become the most inconsistent pitcher in baseball. Rather like the Orioles themselves, in many respects. How long before they jettison Buck Showalter and invoke the gypsy woman’s curse which decrees that teams who fire Buck Showalter immediately become hugely successful, relative to what they enjoyed under Buck?

Watch If: Yay Melky! /vomits

Game Two: Ian Kennedy (4-6, 4.43 ERA) vs. Dylan Bundy (9-8, 4.53 ERA); 6:05 p.m. (CT), Tuesday; FSKC

Kennedy, along with Jason Hammel, were the two most obvious trouble spots in the rotation heading into the deadline—with the addition of Melky and the influx of bullpen arms, you can argue (as @ShoelessJayhawk constantly does on Twitter) that those were the spots most in need of an adjustment prior to August 1.

If you think Trevor Cahill is enough (I do not), then @ShoelessJayhawk is correct (minus the profanity, or even occasionally very much including it). If Kennedy and Hammel regress to the mean, and if Cahill can’t quite do it, then GMDM will rue the late July day he failed to acquire another starting pitcher.

Anyway, Bundy is the Orioles’ de facto ace, which helps explain why they’re currently four games under .500. Bundy has an 8.41 ERA in July; he’ll probably rn’t Kansas City Royalsthrow a two-hitter.

Watch If: You harbor high hopes that Mike Moustakas can become the seventh different Kansas City Royals slugger to homer three times in a game.

Game Three: Jason Vargas (13-4, 3.00 ERA) vs. TBD; 6:05 p.m. (CT), Wednesday; FSKC

The Doctor has never won at Camden Yards, but he’s posted a 2.76 ERA there in his career. MLB.com has TBD listed for the hosts, while ESPN counters with Chris Tillman; all things being equal, I’d give the O’s better odds if they just pulled a fan out of the crowd.

Watch If: Hahahaha how has Baltimore won 50 games? This team is awfulohmygod they’re gonna sweep the Royals.

Kansas City Royals Predictions Sure to be Wrong

In Game One: An exuberant Melky Cabrera goes in for a hug on an extremely confused Jason Vargas.

Game Two: Dylan Bundy cries on the mound—it’s unclear whether it’s through frustration or if Roger McDowell hot-footed him.

Next: Melky the right move

Game Three: Buck Showalter cries on the mound, and the reasons why are extremely clear.