The Anti-Baltimore Breakdown: A KC Royals Special

As I’ve been advised that people don’t like words like ‘hate’ and ‘butt’, I’ve made some revisions to our little slice of heaven here for the KC Royals anti-breakdowns. I think you’ll enjoy it. The Orioles are in town, by the way.

Top Five Reasons to (Choose Your Own Adjective, it could be positive or negative, don’t let me influence you) Baltimore and the Orioles

Zach Britton standing morosely in the bullpen as the 2016 season went belly-up.
Zach Britton, who is amazing, being hurt for this series.
Robert Alomar spit-takes.
Earl Weaver leading the O’s to wins in 23 of their first 24 games against Kansas City.
People who demand you watch and enjoy The Wire and if you haven’t/don’t, they treat you as sub-human garbage.

Opponent Most Likely to Start a Brawl?

In addition to being one of the most exciting baseball players I’ve seen in some years, Manny Machado has developed a reputation as a bit of a hot head. And no, it’s very much not his fault that people seem to enjoy throwing at him, but his response (myriad F-bombs after the game, homering and taking his sweet, sweet time rounding the bases) could have been a little better and it’s not the first time he’s made headlines for such things. There’s even a fun YouTube compilation (set to Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood, FTW).

History of Bad Blood with the KC Royals?

Jeremy Guthrie wore a t-shirt once. And speaking of Machado, he did this just last year.

Any Bad People on the Roster?

I wouldn’t characterize anybody here as a bad person, but as long as the spot is open, let me implore the good people of Kansas City to not emulate Boston and hurl racist taunts at Adam Jones, or anybody else for that matter. No place for it in the game, no place for it in our ballpark.

Baltimore Player of Whom Much Was Expected and Less Was Produced?

We don’t have a good candidate for this, unfortunately. Perhaps more than any team in baseball, the Orioles are, to a man, almost exactly the kind of team they’re expected to be. Maybe manager Buck Showalter is the answer to this question? Seems like wherever he goes, as soon as he departs the team raises its game another level.

Royal Most Likely to Light Up the Orioles?

That would be 2014 ALCS MVP Lorenzo Cain, who dominated that series (.533/.588/.667, two doubles, five runs scored). Please pay no attention to the regular-season tOPS+ of 64 he’s accrued against Baltimore.

Will This Series be Fun?

Next: The Weekly Minor League Breakdown

Yeah, it should be. The Orioles, for their myriad faults as a team, can mash the bejeezus out of the baseball. And the Chris Archer game aside, the KC Royals bats appeared to shake off some cobwebs in the Tampa series. At least one slugfest awaits us in this one.