The KC Royals host the (squints hard, checks facts, consults experts) defending American League Champion Cleveland Indians this weekend at the K. Hopefully the games are as easy to win as the hate was to come by.
It was cute, when you used to do your “Woe is us, our teams never win only we’re not Chicago or Boston and nobody notices us,” routine. I’ve never held even a passing rooting interest in your teams (aside from JR Smith, who is a national treasure and will hopefully become Senator Earl Smith III before all is said and done), but I could empathize.
But now, after a long-sought championship delivered by Lebron James?
And a somewhat surprising and definitely well-received AL pennant and near-toppling of the Mighty Chicago Cubs?
And the Browns (the Browns!) pulling off what looks on paper to be a successful NFL draft?
Yeah, screw you guys. You don’t get to play the role of cuddly loser when you’ve sent a representative to the past two NBA Finals, are the reigning AL champ and hey the Browns still suck but two out of three ain’t bad (KC only has the two, you know). And as natural rivals in the AL Central, you’ll get no quarter from me.
To the hatred!
Top Five Reasons to Hate the Indians
- Racist team nickname
- The ruination of 10-Cent Beer Night
- Charlie Sheen thinking he’s an actual baseball player
- Albert Belle, who we should never forget was an ass at all times. Even Halloween.
- Played the 1900 season as the Cleveland Lake Shores, which has to be in the running for worst professional team name of all-time.
Opponent Most Likely to Start a Brawl?
Trevor Bauer got jokes, y’all. KC remembers.
History of Bad Blood with the KC Royals?
This probably counts, right?
This was in 2012, so there aren’t a ton of holdovers for either side but if Mike Moustakas has a long memory and elects to throw hands, this is probably the root cause.
Do They Have Bad Humans on the Roster?
Most Butt Player?
Royal Most Likely to Light Up the Indians?
Brandon Moss—an integral part of last season’s Cleveland team—is hitting .333 with three homers and 15 RBI in 21 career games against the Tribe. Maybe those aren’t great odds, but unfortunately, most of the KC Royals big guns have been pretty pedestrian against Cleveland.
Will This Series Be Fun?
At present, one has to bet ‘no’ on anything about a KC Royals series being anything resembling ‘fun’, unless you love early-game blowouts or late-game flameouts.