KC Royals and the Reasons to Despise the Texas Rangers
By Colby Wilson
Who are KC Royals fans hating this week? The Rangers? Sounds fun!
The KC Royals visit Arlington to take on the Texas Rangers, because baseball has a schedule which dictates that everybody plays everybody because there are 162 games in a season. Weird, I know.
But the heart wants what it wants, and today it wants a reason to wish epically hurtful things upon the Rangers, a franchise that I never spend more than five minutes thinking about unless Rougned Odor is throwing haymakers or somebody is touching Adrian Beltre’s head.
To the hatred!
Top Five Reasons to Hate the Rangers
- This franchise once gave Alex Rodriguez a quarter of a billion dollar contract, then wondered why they didn’t have enough money left over to put a team around him.
- Handed the St. Louis Cardinals the 2011 World Series. All other reasons after this one are unnecessary, but the arbitrary standards I set for myself demand that we get to five.
- Allowed Melvin Upton Jr. to hit a playoff home run when Melvin Upton Jr. is unequivocally awful at baseball.
- Acquired Prince Fielder and essentially forced his body to disintegrate before our very eyes. I’m convinced they did this deliberately to Prince Fielder, who was good and fun and a reason to really love baseball.
- Are actively scamming the nice people of Texas for no reason at all.
Who Is Most Likely to Start Some Business that May Result in a Brawl?
Rougned Odor. Please do not slide anywhere near Rougned Odor, or else risk throwing hands. Cause Rougned Odor absolutely wants to throw hands.
History of Bad Blood with the KC Royals?
Longtime KC Royals outfielder Brian McRae once got hit by a pitch and charged the dugout at then-Rangers manager Kevin Kennedy. That was in 1993, so I think 24 years is jusssssst enough time to bury the hatchet.
Do They Have Any Bad Humans on the Roster?
Matt Bush has some skeletons, to be kind, but he’s also turned his life around, which seems to be a specialty of the Rangers as an organization. Kudos to them, and to Bush for getting his life together.
There’s also this, which sounds pretty horrible and should not be condoned.
Most Butt Player
Joey Gallo. We’ve been told for like seven years now that Joey Gallo is going to be the next great hitter. And you know what? It’s not happening. He’s his generation’s Jack Cust. Throw him in a lake.
Next: Roster Movers and Shakers
Will This Series Be Fun?
Probably! The Ballpark in Arlington is a tiny bandbox that chills pitchers to their very core, but it plays well to hitters (paging Eric Hosmer!) and provides the best chance for a football score (14-10?) and an opportunity for Hoz, Raul Mondesi Jr. and others to break out of their early-season malaise.