KC Royals Lighter Shade of Blue: Fans No Fear Pale Hose

The KC Royals face off with the American League Central leading Chicago White Sox this weekend, in a key early-season showdown.

No hoards of Kansas City Royals fans were seen running for cover.  No sirens were sounded prior to this series and no ominous tornadoes were spotted in the metropolitan area. Hail was predicted by most, but the brand new Mustangs sat idle in car lots outside. No one ran into large underground storm shelters. No one bought batteries.

No fans rushed to grocery stores to buy up every single Ibuprofen and bottle of Pepto-Bismal in stock. No shelves were empty by the time this reporter arrived. I ran to the hard liquor aisle out of habit. Still full. I grabbed a snow shovel and some ice melt from 2004 for a ridiculous price anyway.

I drove quickly to another store and spoke with head stocker Mike Crane. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” He pontificated. “No waves of blue clad KC Royals fans pushing for their lives and grabbing Motrin, antacids, breath mints. You name it. It wasn’t a circus.”

No one draped in a raincoat sold aspirin on the street corner for inflated prices.

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The cost of Ex-Lax didn’t spike on Ebay.

Alka-SeltzerKC didn’t trend on Twitter.

No one was running around singing “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince.

Pete Rose didn’t lay odds on Chicago.

Hal McRae didn’t destroy a urinal in the KC Royals clubhouse.

None of the things you would expect to see if we were losing our collective cool as a champion city.

Move on. Nothing to see here.

I’m just laying on a hammock in Kansas City, sipping lemonade, and getting ready to win another series that the Kansas City Royals are supposed to lose. People on Twitter told me that the season was over last week, but I did some quick math and realized that they’re still 122 games left in the season.

Next: What Do We Know About The Royals 1/4 Through The Season?

Let’s Go KC Royals!