The KC Royals just need a few small tweaks that will help the defending World Champions turn the corner from their sub-.500 record and get back on track to winning their second championship in a row:
- Let’s be honest, Cheslor Cuthbert is holding the Kansas City Royals back. His name is just all wrong. Let’s get him another name that’s acceptable to us all, he can really help us up here in “the big show”. I don’t mean this as a threat, but if he insists on Cheslor Cuthbert, I think the KC Royals might consider going in another direction. And Reymond Fuentes is easier to say three times fast when drinking alcoholic beverages. Thankfully, he’s been optioned to Omaha.
Let’s pick Cheslor Cuthbert a nice name and get the KC Royals going on the right track:
A. Chester Carson – Awesome, athletic and easy to remember. Stadium announcer says “Heeeer’s Chester” when he comes up to bat.
B. Chaz Renfro – Has good speed but also hits with power.
C. Martin Liebowitz – Fans can call him ‘Marty’.
D. Chester Cutberth – Obviously won’t have the foot speed of a Chester Carson.
E. Write in candidate.
Pick your favorite and reply in comments below this story.
2. Edinson “Steady Eddie” Volquez is a nightmare. Terrible nickname. Can’t have stuff like this in a championship clubhouse, it only festers. This name sounds like something a prep school girl from the 50’s gives her boyfriend whom she gives nothing more than kisses on the cheek.
Edinson Volquez is not a World Champion name.
A. “Scrabble” – His family name has a Q, a Z, and a V. AND is seven letters. His nickname should be Scrabble. Scrabble Volquez dawg.
B. “EZ Eddie” – EZ like VolquEZ. Get it? Huh? EZ like his demeanor off the field.
Of course, Eddie doesn’t really care. He’s had the face time on the mound during the Fall Classic with the Kansas City Royals and has the ring to show for it.
Sometimes you just have to shake things up. Next week we’ll work on Martin Liebowtz and see if they want us to change the name of his hometown, Corn Island, Nicaragua. I’m just not feelin’ it right now. Though I’ve heard it’s an amazing place.
C’mon KC Royals fans, lighten up. It’s not nuclear disarmament. Russian tanks aren’t attacking Western Europe. And we don’t have to vote for either of those clowns running for President until November.
It’s baseball. And it really wouldn’t be much fun if we knew what was going to happen.
Let’s Go Kansas City Royals!
(the KC Royals can’t lose the rest of their games. Even a bad team usually wins at least 60 times. Which means we have at least 45 happy barbecue opportunities ahead of us. Cheer up, people!)