KC Royals: A 12-step Program For KC Fans

KC Royals fans who are having problems coping with two days without baseball should know that a 12-step program is basically a set of guiding principles outlining a course of action for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

It was written by William Griffith Wilson or “Bill W.”, published in 1939, and is still associated with AA or ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ today. Willie Wilson played marvelously on the 1985 championship team, but that’s not the same dude.

Fortunately the typical KC Royals fan shows none of these symptoms at this time.

Addiction? “What’s 2 days off in a row? No big deal.” (shakes like a leaf)

Compulsion? – A very strong desire to do something?

A) – “I haven’t scored tickets to replica trophy night and am not the least bit concerned.” (night sweats and teeth chatter)

B) – 10 bucks a beer? “We’ll take 4, stay close.”

Behavioral problems? Never. There nothing wrong with painting my cube in a nice coat of Kansas City Royals blue. OK, maybe we should go over those 12 steps anyway.

The 12 steps:

Step 1) – Admit we are powerless:

That’s easy. The KC Royals were actually known for “small ball” at one time.

Step 2) – Believe in something greater than ourselves:

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Like that “keep the line moving” stuff. Check.

Step 3) – Turn our will and lives over to Ned:

OK. If we don’t, we sit the pines anyway.

Step 4) – Take moral inventory of ourselves:

We have some pretty good ethics in stock, but will want to order more for later.

Step 5) – Admit the exact nature of our wrongs:

We were terrible.

Step 6) – We’re ready to have Ned remove these defects:

Oct 28, 2014; Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Will Kansas City Royals manager Ned Yost and GM Dayton Moore overhaul my 1971 Pinto? They have 2 days off.

Step 7) – Remove our shortcomings:

We improved our concourse restrooms.

Step 8) – Make amends to the persons we harmed:

Sincere apologies to Brett Lawrie and Jeff Sa-Sa-Samardzija. Sorry, I have a nasty cold. Making fun of someone’s name, by yelling out “Gesundheit!” when an opposing player is announced, is in bad form and not in the true spirit of step 8.

Step 9) – Make direct amends:

And have a big parade.

Step 10) – When wrong – admit it:

A) – I didn’t think Jonny Gomes was going to give such an excellent and raucous speech at the KC Royals Championship parade.

B) – Hey, I think we DID park in lot C. Or N. Not sure.

C) – I thought Dippin Dots would be all the rage.

Step 11) – Pray and meditate:

Dear Lord, why did you let Moose foul one off when it was clear Dice had 2nd base stolen? Om.

Next: Two Straight Days Without Royals Baseball Is Cruel

Step 12) – Try to take the principles you’ve learned and carry them over to your everyday life:

“Let’s Go Meter Reader!!!”

KC Royals fans who are having problems coping with two days without baseball should know that a 12-step program is basically a set of guiding principles outlining a course of action for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

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