The Goonies, as Portrayed by the 2012 Royals


This may seem random, but after the Royals announced their new slogan for the 2012 season, “Our Time,” the Kansas City Star’s Rustin Dodd tweeted something rather inspirational. He compared the use of “Our Time” to the movie “The Goonies” and particularly the speech by Mikey as he told the Goonies that it was their time. After basically everyone has commented on how awesome this is, I decided to do the inevitable and cast the 2012 Royals as the beloved cave explorers. You’re welcome.

Mikey: Mike Moustakas
I mean, come on. He’s the young clubhouse guy. He’s lovable. He’s brave. And his asthma just made me think of Mike’s less-than-perfect defensive skills for some reason. It just made too much sense. Also, Sean Astin later became chubby. Mike is sort of “thick” through his torso. It works.

Mouth: Bruce Chen
Again, it’s so obvious it hurts. It’s the little spunky guy who’s always got a smile and is always talking. Chen’s always laughing and seems like he’s always got something to say, so this works. Plus, since he’s Panamanian he likely could tell the maid some horrible things in Spanish.

Chunk: Billy Butler
I want to see a Country Breakfast Truffle Shuffle.

Brand: Eric Hosmer
He’s the big brother that hates you, but secretly cares about you even though he’d never tell his high school friends. He’s active and keeps himself in shape. And, of course, he gets the girl. Later in life, he’ll go to the Old West and shoot a man before being hunted by a drunk, a little girl, and Matt Damon. And he’ll almost survive.

Data: Alcides Escobar
I can almost imagine him setting “booty-traps” out there in the infield. And even when things don’t work out perfectly for him, we love him anyway. He just does too many great things to get angry with him.

Andy: Everett Teaford
Looked really good as Wonder Woman, so that just works out.

Jake: Johnny Giavotella
Come on, he’s Italian. And maybe can sing like Jake does. We can only hope.

Sloth: Jeff Francoeur.
No comment.

Who would you pick?

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