Royal Investments

So you’ve got a Royals fan in your life and you are desperately searching for that delightful gift that will bring a smile to the face of an individual who has been hurt so often in these last 2o-odd years that pain is permanently etched in his or her features.

And….Gasp! Your Royals fan wants a jersey! But how will you know what player’s jersey to invest in? Royals players seem to zoom in and out of Kansas City as if Kauffman Stadium was a giant revolving door. And buying a Royals player’s jersey is like trying to keep up with the most current Iphone. You’re gonna have to trade it in next year for a new one. Well, fear not, procrastinating shopper! I will help you acquire a jersey that will (hopefully) last for awhile. The trick is to disregard guys you don’t think will be around for much longer…..or guys that stink…unless you’re trying to make a point. Well, we’ll get to that.

I hope this gives you some direction in your holiday jersey-acquiring endeavors. And seriously. If you find an Jose Offerman jersey somewhere in the Large to X-large range, you let me know and we will figure out a way for you to get that to me. (You’ll see what I’m talking about in a minute.)

Let’s get started:

1. George Brett – Okay, this is kind of a cop-out, but…I mean…you can be assured that he’s never going to be traded. So there’s that.
2. Salvador Perez – Once he was back from injury last year, it looked like the Royals made one of the smartest moves in history by extending him right before Spring Training last year. This guy’s jersey is a long-term investment. It’s a smart buy.
3. Alex Gordon – Those who bought his jersey right after we drafted him have spent a couple of years sweating out the purchase, but he’s finally come up spades as a baseball player in the last few years. I think this would be a safe buy.
4. Carlos Beltran – Being that I was hardly alive the last time the Royals played a significant game in September/October, I can say that the first Royal I really followed with vigor was one Carlos Beltran. That guy was a great Royal. Heck, he was one of the few people who put on a Cardinal uniform last season that I didn’t loathe. I didn’t like him….but I didn’t loathe him either. Incidentally, please buy the ROYALS Beltran jersey and not the Cardinals one, unless you want to break your special Royals fan’s little heart.
5. (Insert Super Obscure Jersey Here) – I am a gentleman who loves an obscure jersey. A couple of years ago, I went to Chiefs training camp and saw a guy in a Dustin Colquitt PRO BOWL JERSEY! Mad respect goes to that guy for laying down lettuce for that outerwear. How many of those do you think have been sold. 3?….5?….It can’t be double digits. Anyways. I love when someone snags an obscure jersey to wear to games. I’m talking about your Jose Offerman jerseys, your Doug Mientkiewicz* jerseys and the like. If your Royals fan likes obscurity as much as I do, this may be the path for you to take. You may have to do a little research to figure out which obscure player would be best, but trust me….the overjoyed look on your loved one’s face will be well worth it. (*I just Googled Mientkiewicz’s name to see how to spell it. Did you know that guy is managing the Minnesota Class-A advanced team now? Wasn’t expecting that. Interesting.)