The Goonies, as Portrayed by the 2012 Royals


This may seem random, but after the Royals announced their new slogan for the 2012 season, “Our Time,” the Kansas City Star’s Rustin Dodd tweeted something rather inspirational. He compared the use of “Our Time” to the movie “The Goonies” and particularly the speech by Mikey as he told the Goonies that it was their time. After basically everyone has commented on how awesome this is, I decided to do the inevitable and cast the 2012 Royals as the beloved cave explorers. You’re welcome.

Mikey: Mike Moustakas
I mean, come on. He’s the young clubhouse guy. He’s lovable. He’s brave. And his asthma just made me think of Mike’s less-than-perfect defensive skills for some reason. It just made too much sense. Also, Sean Astin later became chubby. Mike is sort of “thick” through his torso. It works.

Mouth: Bruce Chen
Again, it’s so obvious it hurts. It’s the little spunky guy who’s always got a smile and is always talking. Chen’s always laughing and seems like he’s always got something to say, so this works. Plus, since he’s Panamanian he likely could tell the maid some horrible things in Spanish.

Chunk: Billy Butler
I want to see a Country Breakfast Truffle Shuffle.

Brand: Eric Hosmer
He’s the big brother that hates you, but secretly cares about you even though he’d never tell his high school friends. He’s active and keeps himself in shape. And, of course, he gets the girl. Later in life, he’ll go to the Old West and shoot a man before being hunted by a drunk, a little girl, and Matt Damon. And he’ll almost survive.

Data: Alcides Escobar
I can almost imagine him setting “booty-traps” out there in the infield. And even when things don’t work out perfectly for him, we love him anyway. He just does too many great things to get angry with him.

Andy: Everett Teaford
Looked really good as Wonder Woman, so that just works out.

Jake: Johnny Giavotella
Come on, he’s Italian. And maybe can sing like Jake does. We can only hope.

Sloth: Jeff Francoeur.
No comment.

Who would you pick?

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Tags: AL Central Alcides Escobar Baseball Billy Butler Bruce Chen Eric Hosmer Everett Teaford Jeff Francoeur Johnny Giavotella Kansas City Royals KC KC Royals Mike Moustakas MLB Royals

  • michael.allen.engel

    HEY YOU GUYYYYYSSS

  • michael.allen.engel

    Matt Hays (@mhays83) also had a similar idea in a DM on twitter. He had Chen as Data and Frenchy as Mouth. I think both work.

  • Gage Matthews

    @michael.allen.engel I just wanted Banny as Data, but he had to up and go to Japan.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Gage Matthews Then he didn’t even stay over there!

  • Gage Matthews

    @michael.allen.engel

    Also, I didn’t know Matt did that, so props to him on following through on that.

    Oh yeah, Banny bailed. Of course.

  • Kevin Scobee

    Chris Getz is Chest Copperpot.

  • Gage Matthews

    He would be.

  • michael.allen.engel

    HEY YOU GUYYYYYSSS

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Gage Matthews It was in a DM, so there’s no way anyone would really have known. And it was maybe ten minutes before the post went up.

  • michael.allen.engel

    Matt Hays (@mhays83) also had a similar idea in a DM on twitter. He had Chen as Data and Frenchy as Mouth. I think both work.

  • Kevin Scobee

    @Gage Matthews we only know him by reference. He’s a creature of legend only.

  • Gage Matthews

    @michael.allen.engel I just wanted Banny as Data, but he had to up and go to Japan.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Gage Matthews Then he didn’t even stay over there!

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Kevin Scobee@Gage Matthews And a bunch of 14 year olds can do his job better.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Kevin Scobee@Gage Matthews including one with asthma

  • Gage Matthews

    @michael.allen.engel

    Also, I didn’t know Matt did that, so props to him on following through on that.

    Oh yeah, Banny bailed. Of course.

  • Kevin Scobee

    Chris Getz is Chest Copperpot.

  • Gage Matthews

    He would be.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Gage Matthews It was in a DM, so there’s no way anyone would really have known. And it was maybe ten minutes before the post went up.

  • Kevin Scobee

    @Gage Matthews we only know him by reference. He’s a creature of legend only.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Kevin Scobee@Gage Matthews And a bunch of 14 year olds can do his job better.

  • michael.allen.engel

    @Kevin Scobee@Gage Matthews including one with asthma

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