With it being the end of January, most retail stores have calendars at a discount (if they have them at all). I’ve seen a 2011 Royals calendar that would be an easy discount purchase —
That is, if it weren’t absolutely terrifying.
This is the calendar in question. Sure, I know what you’re thinking. It’s just a standard 12 x 12 calendar. What’s the big deal?
I don’t usually believe in such silly things like curses and hexes and jinxes and the like. Nobody talks about the Curse of the Bambino of Bill Buckner gets pulled at the end of Game 6 in 1986 (or if the Red Sox had won Game 7). The Cubs have had awful luck, but it’s not anything you can blame on a goat.
No, that stuff’s just silly.
EA Sports and the Madden NFL franchise aren’t responsible for any injuries or production declines, nor is Sport Illustrated to blame for similar events.
But this calendar. Man. This thing has some bad voodoo attached to it.
Since I did not purchase it, I can’t display the full photos. I can, however, provide you with a list of players who are included in the photos:
- Luke Hochevar
- Gil Meche
- Joakim Soria
- Zack Greinke
- Billy Butler
- Yuniesky Betancourt
- Mike Aviles
- David DeJesus
- Alex Gordon
- Alberto Callaspo
- Jason Kendall
- Chris Getz
In that list, you have four players who have since been traded from the Royals (Greinke, Betancourt, DeJesus, Callaspo). Greinke had a disappointing season in 2010 – and an especially troubling second half of the season. Many calendars hit store shelves in July or August. Coincidence? Hmm.
Betancourt could be a counter example, though. He had his best month as a pro in August. But isn’t that just setting him up for failure in 2011? His new team, the Brewers are already preparing to platoon him at shortstop with Craig Counsell. He’s destined to fall off a statistical cliff if his plate appearances get slashed.
DeJesus, in the middle of a career year, torn a ligament in his thumb in July – again, at the same time the calendar was hitting shelves. Callaspo, similarly, went into a terrible slump after being traded to the Angels in (wait for it) July.
Clearly, all the calendar’s fault.
Even Gil Meche – tough, rugged, a gamer – couldn’t escape the destructive power of the calendar. He tried to stay on the DL during those initial months of calendar distribution, but by September, the siren song of the pitching mound had tempted him to pitch in relief and now, well now he’s retired.
And poor Jason Kendall. Right after August ended, he was put on the shelf (just like a calendar!) with a severely torn rotator cuff.
That’s six of the twelve represented Royals, all injured or otherwise banished from the team.
What lies in store for the remaining six? Will the calendar’s power force Hochevar to cave under the pressure of being the ace of the rotation? Will Joakim Soria‘s reign of dominance come to an end?
Alex Gordon has been injury prone – does the calendar have one in store for the disappointing third baseman turned outfielder? Even Chris Getz missed the last couple weeks of the season with a concussion. Somewhere, that calendar manufacturer is chuckling. Maniacally.
Mike Aviles had a strong finish to the season, but I think it’s just the calendar’s evil spell lulling him into a false sense of security. He’s not far removed from Tommy John surgery and he’s one of the older players on the team. The injury bug lurks.
Then, there’s Billy Butler. Soft-spoken, but fan friendly Billy Butler. He’s just signed an extension, but will he be able to complete it? After two straight years of solid health and production, perhaps he’s due for a regression to the mean – carried out by the callous power of the calendar.
It’s cursed, I tell you. Cursed!
Perhaps it’s very difficult, as a calendar printer, to create a product that withstands the busy offseason of Major League Baseball.
Let’s hope that’s the right explanation. But you never know, when you least expect it, something wicked could be hiding in the shadows – power strong enough to pick apart half a roster of able-bodied major leaguers.
No calendars or other wall-mounted paraphernalia were harmed in the writing of this article. Mike does not believe in curses. This is satire. You can stay current on all the Kings of Kauffman content and news by following us onTwitter,Facebook, or by way of our RSS feed.